Kick-Ass 2

*** This review contains MAJOR spoilers *** This is actually not so much a review as it is a vehicle for me to express my utter disgust of what was supposed to be a great sequel to what I consider one of the coolest movies ever made. I absolutely loved Kick-Ass. It was fresh, it was original, and in spite of its crude and graphic violence, absolutely hilarious. Its sequel, is nothing short of an abomination. For your convenience, I have comprised a list of Everything Wrong with Kick-Ass 2: 1. The gore. It's not that it was worse than KA1, it's that it was very different in tone. Whereas in the first movie – where the violence was equally gut-wrenching – the nature of it all was laugh-out-loud hilarious, mostly because it was executed by a foul-mouthed 12-year-old school girl. KA2 on the other hand, feels more like a snuff movie where good guys and innocent bystanders are brutally slaughtered, just for the hell of it. Which leads me to point number two: 2. The targets. In the first movie, the whole point was easy: killing bad guys. So, no bad feelings and no conflict of interest. For the second installment, it seems the moral compass has taken a 180 degree turn. Here we have to sit and watch the good guys dropping dead one by one, and it isn't the least bit funny. I'd like to give you a heads-up on the brutal murder of Dave's dad, the most innocent good guy of them all. Yeah, I didn't see than one coming either. 3. The bad guys. Good god. Rarely have I seen such an array of dumb, sickeningly stupid villains. Most of the slaughtering and mayhem is done by one block-of-concrete-with-boobs called Mother Russia (what's in a name?). Everything about her just makes you sick to your stomach, especially the way she offs her victims. She is part of the main villain's gang, and don't even get me started on this guy… Remember Red Mist? He was pretty funny in KA1, wasn't he. Yeah well, those days are over. After accidentally on purpose killing his own mother (!), he proclaims himself the new great villain of New York, henceforth calling himself The Motherf***er (again, what's in a name…). He rallies a group of equally douche baggy cronies. Their mission is to kill Kick-Ass and all who follow him. Their first strike? Killing off the best new character. 4. Jim Carrey's screen time. The poor guy clocks out at exactly 7 minutes and 45 seconds. He plays Colonel Stars and Stripes, and he is by far the best addition to the cast. What's remarkable about his performance is that he's barely recognizable. His speaking voice is low and brooding, and there's not a funny face in sight. Really cool character all around. After waiting for what feels like forever for him to finally appear, guess what; not ten minutes later – gone. Impaled, slaughtered and decapitated by Mother Russia. I'd like to have a hearty word with the "screenwriter" who's responsible for this. He needs to go back to school. Here's my advice anyway – free of charge: YOU DON'T KILL OFF THE BEST CHARACTER HALFWAY THROUGH THE MOVIE. Dumbass. 5. The "humour". In KA1, the humour was cheeky, intelligent, and perfect satire. And where it was crude, it was right up at the top, but never really over it. Second time around, we have to make do with projectile vomiting and violent diarrhoea. Really, poop jokes…? Now this is a perfect example of what 'we' (we meaning – people over 13 with normal intelligence and a healthy sense of humour) call "rock bottom". Yes. They go that low. I'm going to stop here before I start remembering all of the other "jokes". 6. Lack of proper Hit-Girl action. Hit-Girl was always the star of the show. In KA2, she is given a dumb sub-plot where she vows to quit her alter-ego job and become a 'normal', prissy little cheerleader, competing with other Barbie girls to become popular. I really, really hated this story line. I don't even care if it was in the original comics, it sucked. The reason why it sucked the most is because effectively, this means that the essence of Hit-Girl is completely vacant for about 60% of the movie! And that's WAY too much time for the most beloved character to mope around apologetically before she finally gets her s**t together roughly 10 minutes before the end of the movie. 7. Mister Kick-Ass himself. Something went wrong here. I don't know if it was the character that was poorly written or Aaron Taylor-Johnson that came up short, but he was very different from the first movie, in which he had a really cute, geeky charm about him. Here, he was inconspicuous and dull, like a bystander in his own story. Or perhaps he was just overshadowed by the abundance of new and reformed characters… In any case, he was barely there to be noticed. 8. Soundtrack. The score of KA1 was so damn cool, with original, poppy punk music and electro that consistently added something to every scene. Here, I only remember one scene that caught that vibe and it still wasn't half as good. 9. It was seriously offensive. A "joke" about rape? Are you kidding me?! And I'm not talking about some guys hanging around, talking about wanting to 'do' some girl or whatever. No, I'm talking about The Motherf***er seriously intending to rape Night Bitch, except he can't because he's got no wood. Real classy. There are some redeeming points to this otherwise complete crap fest, but honestly, they are so few and far in between they're not even worth mentioning. Well, I guess this is what you get for hiring some D-grade nobody to replace Matthew Vaughn. Don't waste your time with this garbage. _(June 2014)_