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The More Heinous They Are, The Harder They Fall
Season 1 · Episode 5 · Oct 20, 1990
Ted is practicing guitar in his room when a most odious aroma assails his noseholes. He finds his little brother, Deacon, in the backyard turning on the water hose to wash himself off. Deacon relates how Killer Gabron, a bully at school, threw him into a garbage can. Ted decides to try helping Deacon deal with his bully problem. He finds Bill playing video games at the Kozy Korner and as they ponder the situation Rufus appears briefly (in the video game) to tell them they need to figure out what to do themselves. They decide to go back into history and find a most heinous bully to take care of Deacon's bully. They first visit Henry VIII, but he cannot help them because he has a date with Ann Bolin, so he suggests they try Ivan the Terrible. They go to Russia to seek out Mr. Terrible, only to find that in reality he's a major dweeb (his fierceness, he explains, is all image). They next head to South Dakota to seek out Calamity Jane, who they find, true to her name, makes calamities happen wherever she goes. She agrees to go with them, but her awesome talent of destruction sabotages their booth, so they push her out before they spiral out of control through time. They pop up into the silver shop of Paul Revere. When Bill accidentally knocks over the Liberty Bell, causing it to crack, Paul Revere mistakes the dudes for British spies. Escaping from the shop, the dudes duck onto a ship where they are put to work unloading a shipment of British tea. They accidentally drop two crates of tea into Boston Harbor, which inspires some revolutionists (who just happen to be dressed like Indians for a costume party) to stand up to their oppressors and dump all of the tea into the harbor. Bill & Ted are heralded as the leaders of the American Revolution. They ask if anyone can help them fix their phone booth, and Benjamin Franklin volunteers, using a kite to channel lightning into the booth. The revolutionists ask Bill & Ted to stay and help them. Ted makes a speech, saying he has learned that only if people work together can they stand up to bullies. The dudes return to San Dimas and tell Deacon to stand up to Killer Gabron. Deacon does this, inspiring the other kids in his class to also stand up to the bully, who gets his just desserts (ending up in the garbage himself). Bill and Ted ponder the fact that they brought about the American Revolution but no one will ever know, so they time travel to 1776 to sign the Declaration of Independence, only to find that John Hancock has hogged all the space (we learn it was, in fact, Rufus, singing the name big so the dudes would not be able to sign themselves).
